I’m currently living with my Mum and her house is just a short walk from the cemetery where my Grandparents are buried. In the past year or so, I have found myself going on walks and ending up that their grave. Sometimes I sit for ages, sometimes I take my journal, sometimes I just say hello and tell them I love them. I didn’t go to their grave for years, telling myself this story of shame because we’d not been able to afford to buy them a headstone, only for find out in the last year that they didn’t want one! Typical working class people they’d told my Mum to not waste money on a headstone! So she’d planted a tree. I’d forgotten about the tree too. I was only young. Now I see that it wasn’t really shame, but an ongoing grief. They’d helped raise me and they were gone. And I didn’t want the reminder.
I still miss them everyday but my little ritual of going and sitting with them makes me feel better. I only wish I’d allowed myself to discover it earlier.
Thanks for sharing this, Becky - that's so beautiful you're able to have that ongoing connection with them now. You've inspired me to get my arse in gear to visit my dad's grave - I've never been since his funeral, and it's several years since his death now. He was very specific about wanting to be buried in Derbyshire! We honoured that, of course, but the distance does mean it's trickier to visit on a whim, and usually when the mood strikes me it's not been possible. But I think I've also been a bit scared to go, and the way you so wisely recognised and named your ongoing grief really struck a chord, so thank you. I do live very close to the woods where both my grandparents ashes are scattered, and go there regularly which always feels very lovely as a way of connecting to them.
Sending love and blessings and protection and prayer and all needed and good things, Jane Claire. May the thinning of the veil bring healing creation and connection. xo
That's so kind of you, Susan, thank you for the support!
I do generally remember my dreams well, but I've been doing morning pages for years and so while I don't have a dedicated dream journal, I do usually end up writing about my dreams as part of that process, which I think has somewhat trained me to retain them until I can capture them in some way! Are you a vivid dreamer too? I like the idea of keeping a specific dream notebook to be able to see the patterns if and when certain themes, places and people reoccur!
I've kept dream journals in the past but having an alarm usually knocks them straight out of my head. I definitely dream my vividly - or at least remember them on a weekend or school hols
I’m currently living with my Mum and her house is just a short walk from the cemetery where my Grandparents are buried. In the past year or so, I have found myself going on walks and ending up that their grave. Sometimes I sit for ages, sometimes I take my journal, sometimes I just say hello and tell them I love them. I didn’t go to their grave for years, telling myself this story of shame because we’d not been able to afford to buy them a headstone, only for find out in the last year that they didn’t want one! Typical working class people they’d told my Mum to not waste money on a headstone! So she’d planted a tree. I’d forgotten about the tree too. I was only young. Now I see that it wasn’t really shame, but an ongoing grief. They’d helped raise me and they were gone. And I didn’t want the reminder.
I still miss them everyday but my little ritual of going and sitting with them makes me feel better. I only wish I’d allowed myself to discover it earlier.
Thank you for a beautiful post, Jane. 🖤
Thanks for sharing this, Becky - that's so beautiful you're able to have that ongoing connection with them now. You've inspired me to get my arse in gear to visit my dad's grave - I've never been since his funeral, and it's several years since his death now. He was very specific about wanting to be buried in Derbyshire! We honoured that, of course, but the distance does mean it's trickier to visit on a whim, and usually when the mood strikes me it's not been possible. But I think I've also been a bit scared to go, and the way you so wisely recognised and named your ongoing grief really struck a chord, so thank you. I do live very close to the woods where both my grandparents ashes are scattered, and go there regularly which always feels very lovely as a way of connecting to them.
Love you, keep writing and being an inspo legend <3
Love YOU. ♥️
Sending love and blessings and protection and prayer and all needed and good things, Jane Claire. May the thinning of the veil bring healing creation and connection. xo
Thank you, Dana - this is so thoughtful and kind of you! Likewise back to you as the wheel of the year turns, lots of love 🖤
Loving your beautiful and vulnerable memoir pieces, Jane
Thank you so much, love - that is so kind!
I speak to them. We have a small shrine but only we know what it's about.
That's beautiful, thank you for sharing! Is that a year-round shrine and conversation, or is it for specific occasions or times of year?
It's year round, tho we add things to it during certain times. Occasionally we include treats that we know some of our family liked.
Sounds lovely - I do the same. Thank you for sharing.
You bet. Thanks for asking 😊
Okay I just bought both your books, very overdue but better late than never.
And your dreams, they sound incredible. Do you remember them vividly on waking? Do you have a dream notebook by your bed? Questions!
That's so kind of you, Susan, thank you for the support!
I do generally remember my dreams well, but I've been doing morning pages for years and so while I don't have a dedicated dream journal, I do usually end up writing about my dreams as part of that process, which I think has somewhat trained me to retain them until I can capture them in some way! Are you a vivid dreamer too? I like the idea of keeping a specific dream notebook to be able to see the patterns if and when certain themes, places and people reoccur!
I've kept dream journals in the past but having an alarm usually knocks them straight out of my head. I definitely dream my vividly - or at least remember them on a weekend or school hols
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Laura - these kind words mean the world ♥️